THE SUGARMAN SAYS
LIQUOR IN THE FRONT, POKER IN THE REAR
1.00am on Saturday morning, I’m sat on the couch watching a warehouse forklift truck driver playing cards against a woman I wouldn’t normally bother looking at unless it was 2.00am in the morning, I was three sheets to the wind and armed with my stock chat up line of ‘alright pet? I’ve got half a bag of chips and I think the bins by the alley were emptied yesterday’.
It was Pokermillion. Five hours of sheer spectacle in which some of the games ‘big fish’ pitted their wits against internet qualifiers
and that blonde bird off ‘Soccer AM’. I’ve never really been into poker. Despite being a gambler since I was big enough to see over the local bookies counter, cards just didn’t appeal to me.
It was a game my nana played on Sundays with her coppers and friends. (as in one and two pennies, I’m not suggesting she was in cahoots with the local old bill). Until now.
Like many on this site I’ve been lured into the ‘dark world’ of online poker. Unable to hide from it on various late night satellite channels, constantly invited to million dollar tournaments by ‘pop ups’, and lured by scantily clad women promising ‘paradise’ in glossy
magazines. I cracked. I downloaded the software from a poker
site and deposited $50.
Now I’m no mug, or so I thought. I’ve watched hours of this stuff on tv, I know when to fold, when to call, Jesus I even have a ‘professional’ ‘check when your hand is good’ to disguise it up my sleeve. I entered the beginners hold ‘em tables. (Playing for an average of $1 a pot).
All was well initially, I held my nerve, folded the bad hands and won about $15 in half an hour or so. Quickly I dreamed of a new lifestyle. Why work I thought to myself? $30 an hour? 12 hours a day? that’s $2520 a week! I can just do this all day and rinse Norwegian grandmothers out of their pension money. I could retire by the time I’m 30.